A few months ago, I came across a video by dating coach Anwar White about Black women not being taught how to date when they’re young. Consequently, they become adults who struggle to endure the often savage world of courtship. A recent podcast interview with Evelyn Lozada, her daughter Shaniece Hairston, and rapper The Game brought that video to the forefront of my memory.
Hairston, 34, and the rapper, 46, opened up about co-parenting on the Drop the Lo podcast, and quite frankly, the conversation was brutal. The two had a son, Blaze, together in 2024, but aren’t in a committed relationship. During the podcast, Hairston expressed her disappointment that their relationship didn’t end in the fairytale she envisioned. That vision included having a child within a family unit and a partner willing to change diapers. While the two aired their grievances, and The Game dug his feet in the ground about not being an ever-present, diaper-changing dad, Lozada was in the background, chuckling. Yes, Lozada was laughing while Hairston’s voice was cracking as she expressed her hurt and frustration.
Of course, that laughter sparked backlash from people who saw the clips and found it insensitive, especially coming from her own mother.
Before we get into Lozada, one thing that stood out to me during this interview is that Hairston seemed to have her head buried in the sand while dating The Game. It’s either he sold her a dream (“gamed” her as she said early in the chat), or she thought that she could turn a busy bachelor into a husband. Based on the interview, it sounds like the latter since the rapper repeatedly stated, in so many words, that he told her he wasn’t ready for commitment. He also expressed that he was surprised when he learned he’d be a father again. He’s 46 and has three older children: 22, 18, and 15.
Some fans blame Hairston, saying she should have known better at her “big” age. Others blame her mom for not showing her the way.
I say both things are true.
Circling back to White’s video, Hairston waited until she was in her 30s to have a child and then had one with a man who is notorious for being misogynistic, indecisive, and unserious. It raises the question of whether she understands how to date. Is she capable of choosing men whose actions and words align with what she says she wants? Because someone looking to settle down, interested in a diaper-changing dad, shouldn’t see The Game as a viable candidate.
Truth is, many women of color aren’t taught how to date. It’s unfortunate because dating requires skill, wisdom, and discernment, all of which can be passed down by a parent. Instead, we are often told to focus on our studies and then pursue relationships later on in life. By then, we’re already so far behind.
Speaking for myself, I wasn’t taught what a man with good intentions looks like, how to understand my non-negotiables, when to walk away, the importance of focusing on actions versus words, or how to choose a life partner. And it looks like Hairston was deprived of those vital life lessons. Ironically, her mom sits there in silence or laughs when The Game says he can’t give her the commitment she clearly desires. Or at least do the bare minimum and change a diaper.
Yes, she is a grown woman and must own her choices, but she’s also a product of how she was brought up and the messaging she was given. The reality is that Hairston is now in a lifelong contract with The Game, as they’ll forever be linked through Blaze. It’s also true that Lozada cannot force The Game to show up differently as a dad or to commit to her daughter. At this point, what is within her control is how she publicly responds to her daughter’s pain. It’s within her power to call out nonsense when she hears it instead of laughing and pandering to someone who is giving your daughter and grandson the bare minimum.
Mothers (and fathers, of course) play a vital role in breaking the cycle of women ending up in dumpster-fire relationships. We learn about how we deserve to be loved by what they tell us and show us in our formative years and beyond.
I would say there’s an opportunity here, even now, for Lozada to teach her daughter how to date in a self-loving and respectful way. But, hey, you can’t give what you don’t have.